How can we stop the rape culture?

A very nice article published in India Today Magazine. 
Written By:  Vasu Primlani, Comedian and actor, Mumbai


They tell you that the best way to be safe is to walk outside at a certain time, wear outfits prescribed by men (that they deem will protect you from rape), which buttons to press in a lift, there is an entire list vetted by the ubiquitous panel of men. And how do we make our baby girls safer? You know the ones that cannot even crawl yet? What clothes should they wear? Should they say ‘help’ and ‘stop’ in a certain manner?

My greatest frustration with the conversation in India around rape is—why is Indiatelling the women what to do? Do you tell the person who was robbed “it was actually your fault”? Do you tell the person’s family who was murdered that you should have kept him at home? India doesn’t even know how to blame the perpetrator in the case of rape. They think the victim is to blame. They are busy educating the victim about how to prevent a crime from happening to her. There is only one way to be safe from rape. Raise your boys properly. As a somatic therapist who has worked with rape survivors, acid attack survivors and rapists, it is my contention that rapists are raised by the following kind of parents—those who physically or sexually abuse the boy, neglect him, or raise a boy with male entitlement so he consequently grows up thinking he is God’s gift to mankind and can have anything he wants, whenever he wants it.

Let me ask you a question: do you personally know someone who has been raped or do you know anyone who has raped? Chances are your answer is in the affirmative in relation to the former and negative in the latter. We all know someone who has been raped, but no one has ever seen or met a rapist. It stands to reason that for every rape victim there is a rapist. But India doesn’t have rapists, apparently. We have ghost rapists. My point is, doesn’t it seem like India protects its rapists more than its rape victims?

Unless we know why rape happens, one can’t prevent it. Until you know the cause of the disease, you can do all the song and dance you want around it, but you won’t be able to cut it at its root. It’s like taking coconut water for pneumonia. You can drown in it, it would make as much of difference as singing makes to a mosquito. And did you know, boys in India are molested/ raped as much girls are? Unfortunately, they often don’t talk about it. As a rape prevention and rehabilitation expert, I can tell you that abusive backgrounds breed potential criminals. These bombs can be diffused. It’s not easy, but I have done it with several boys and men in the past. For you, the best thing you can do to safeguard yourself from rape is—raise your sons, brothers and male friends properly. Teach them to take no for an answer respectfully. But most of all, douse the fire of rage inside them. Until that happens, no amount of begging or pleading will help.